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Cornwall and the Isles of Scilly Safeguarding Children Partnership

Is This Love?

Need help now?

If you or someone you know is being hurt or is very unsafe right now, you should dial 999.

If you are worried about yourself or someone you know, you should talk to an adult you trust or ring ChildLine on 0800 1111

Being in a relationship can be exciting and should make you feel happy.

A healthy relationship is when everyone feels respected, trusted and valued for who they are.

Gaslighting

However, navigating new relationships can be difficult, Is This Love? has been designed to help you recognise and learn the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships and where to go for more help and support.

This subject is sensitive and can be hard to think and talk about.  It will bring up behaviours that can be upsetting.

The following information has been themed around conversations showing how easy it is for emotional, physical and sexual abuse to start and go unnoticed before escalating.

Most importantly it will show you where you can go for help, support and further advice. 

Please click on the expandable titles below to read information about the following issues

Coercive control

Gaslighting and Coercive Control +

Gaslighting is when someone tries to make you doubt yourself or your own judgement. Someone might tell you that things have happened that didn’t or disagree with you about different details.  If someone is making you doubt yourself or your own judgement, it can help to speak to someone outside of the situation.

This video from Katie Hood recognises that figuring out how to behave and be in healthy relationships is part of being human

Childline explore what healthy and unhealthy relationships might look like and suggest 5 ways to get support with your relationship

Coercive control is when someone tries to manipulate and force someone into doing what they want. This kind of control can build over time, and it’s not always easy to tell when it’s happening.  Coercive control can involve threats or violence, but not always.  It is a form of domestic abuse because of the presence of fear. Being fearful of a partner is not healthy.

The Mix provide resources to help us understand the signs of an emotionally abusive relationship and might help you to begin to understand the complexities of abusive relationships

One Love provide more information around themes such as ‘love bombing’ and feeling as if you have to ‘prove’ your love…

A couple of quizzes…

  1. This is online quiz from the NHS might help you think about how healthy your relationship is
  2. And this Love Respect quiz helps you to recognise the signs of an unhealthy relationship before they escalate

Services

Safer Futures offer early intervention, education, support and safety planning for young people and children who are experiencing and/or witnessing Domestic Abuse and Sexual Violence.

Brook provide advice about abuse in relationships and domestic violence.

Sextortion

Sextortion +

Online blackmail or financially motivated sexual extortion is a type of online blackmail widely known as ‘sextortion’ that involves people being forced into paying money or meeting another financial demand, after an offender has threatened to release nude or semi-nude photos of them. This could be a real photo taken by the victim, or a fake image created of them by the offender.

Having your nudes shared can feel scary, and it can leave you feeling worried or even ashamed. But it’s not your fault.

This report from the NSPCC shares children and young people’s experiences of so-called ‘sextortion’ and explores:

  • how sextortion occurs and how it can escalate
  • the impact on young people’s wellbeing
  • It also offers guidance for reporting and disrupting incidents of sextortion, should your image ever fall into the wrong hands.

If someone is trying to trick, threaten or blackmail you online:

  • Do not pay the perpetrator - even if you are tempted, as there is no guarantee that this will stop the threats
  • Stop all communication with the perpetrator and block them on all platforms to prevent further manipulation or harassment
  • Avoid deleting anything that could be used as evidence such as messages, images, telephone numbers, and bank account details
  • It’s against the law for anyone to share a sexual image or video of someone who’s under 18. 
  • You can use the CEOP Safety Centre to report any online blackmail attempts or other worries about online sexual abuse or the way someone has been communicating with you online.  Make a report to one of CEOP's Child Protection Advisors here
  • The Report Remove service is here to help you confidentially report and remove any sexual image or video of you that’s online.   It is safe, easy and free – all you need to do is follow the steps outlined here 

Sexual Abuse

Sexual Abuse +

Is when someone forces you to take part in sexual activity when you haven’t given consent.  No one ever has the right to your body without your consent.

It can be difficult for us to tell the difference between age-appropriate sexual exploration and the warning signs of harmful behaviour, tIs This Love? is here to raise awareness of potential child to child abuse in young people’s relationships.

If you have concerns about your own or a friend’s sexual thoughts and behaviour there is support available below for children and young people who have been harmed as well as those that have harmed

What is harmful sexual behaviour?

Harmful sexual behaviour (HSB) is a term used to describe sexual actions that are outside what is safe for a young person’s stage of development. It includes actions that can harm either the child or young person themselves, or another person.

Find out more about what harmful sexual behaviour is and what you can do if this is something you are worried about. 

If you’ve been involved in harmful sexual behaviour, you may be struggling with difficult emotions. Find out ways you can deal with regrets about any harmful sexual behaviour you’ve been involved in.

Child-on-child sexual abuse is a form of HSB that takes place between children of any age or stage of development. It can include:

  • frequently and intentionally accessing age-inappropriate sexual material online
  • using inappropriate language
  • undertaking mutual sexual activity you are not ready for with peers
  • sending and receiving illegal images
  • sexual interactions where there are significant power differences, lack of consent, or through force or threats
  • engaging in abusive or sexually violent sexual behaviour online or offline

Safer Cornwall provide more information about unwanted sexual activity where consent is not freely given. They signpost to services who provide support if you or someone you know has experienced sexual assault, rape, sexual abuse and sexual harassment here.

Services

Was That OK is a tool for 11-17 yr olds to help you answer the question “Was That OK?” about anything sexual.  It can help if you are not sure if something you have experienced or witnessed was ok, normal and legal.  The tool includes lots of information and advice for young people, including where to go for support, what happens if you tell someone (including the police), information about confidentiality and safeguarding, and support services you can access online.

Cyberflashing is the act of sending someone nude pictures online without their consent.  Brook have information here about how to stop Cyber Flashing.

Shore is a safe space for young people to voice any concerns about your own or someone else’s sexual thoughts and behaviour.  They also provide advice pages focusing on some of the difficult things you might be dealing with.

Devon and Cornwall SARC - Sexual Assault Referral Centres (SARCs) offer immediate help to anyone who has experienced a recent or non-recent rape or sexual assault. If you’ve been raped or sexually assaulted, no matter how long ago, you can contact the SARC directly with or without police involvement. It’s a safe place where you’ll find confidential practical and emotional support from our team of specialist staff.

Whether you have experienced domestic abuse or sexual violence directly or indirectly, this can be a very difficult time. First Light can help with advice, referrals to other agencies, coping skills and creating a bespoke care plan that’s tailored to your needs.  They can also provide free specialist counselling and access into other recovery programmes. 

Rape Crisis is a feminist charity working to end child sexual abuse, rape, sexual assault, sexual harassment and all other forms of sexual violence. They provide a 24 hour helpline for anyone aged 16+ affected by rape, sexual abuse or assault.

The GALOP Helpline provides advice, and advocacy for LGBT+ people who have experienced sexual violence. 

Brook have also produced the Check With Me First guide for survivors of sexual abuse, assault and trauma

Shore have provided a list of other helpful organisations 

And finally, please visit the other pages on our website for some wider information to help you know where to go for support, advice and guidance in order to feel safe and address any type abuse if it happens.

With many thanks to Theo Nicholas Art student at Falmouth University for designing the Is This Love? campaign materials.

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